Funny/Uncensored,  Parenting

Here Comes the REAL…

KIDS———————–I was hoping if I hit that button enough times that something meaningful would come to mind——Nope! Not happening today. Today has been one of those days. I don’t even know where to begin…Let’s just say this post may not be a little different than the last two. Let me also preface this to say, nothing I am about to share is a NEW experience here. Just a little much when it all nestles into the same day!

What’s crazy- this is NOT the first time this EXACT combination has made an appearance- clearly something about this screams style to her

So, this is is how the day went. We wake up this morning at 6:15AM, Annabeth was soaked in pee because apparently, she is now trying to potty train herself before Mommy is ready to participate in that process. These days, if she has even the slightest bit of access to her diaper- she takes it off as SOON as it gets wet. Then, at some point in the night, she pees the bed since she is now sleeping NAKED. This has happened so many times I cannot even count at this point. Before you give me ideas for solutions, we’ve already tried onesie pajamas (zip and button-up), tight leggings, pull-ups with no tabs…. None of which have been successful. Anyways, I stick her in the bath to clean her really quickly while Neriah is SUPPOSED to be getting dressed for school. I walk casually out of the bathroom, saying a little prayer in my head already sensing we are not off to a great start. I walk around the corner to find Neriah in one of her “personally styled” outfits. (see picture) I chuckled for a moment and snapped a quick picture, trying to remain lighthearted and carefree believing I can somehow will this day to go differently.  I tell her to change and apparently those words carry a magical power I was unaware of. A power that instantly renders her legs useless!! She slowly leans against the wall, sliding down it in the most dramatic, and LITERAL, “meltdown” I have EVER witnessed. I choose to ignore her because I am still thinking I can change this day with my positive and lighthearted attitude. 🙄I head down the stairs and into the kitchen to get breakfast ready. On this particular morning, our breakfast ended up being the oh-so-healthy nutri-grain bar and a cheese stick. We were already running late to get everyone to school so, sometimes you do what ya gotta do! At this point I still have not seen Neriah, however I can still HEAR her just fine. Well, my lighthearted exterior is slowly melting away. I gather up bags, bottles and the baby and at this point I begin shouting upstairs, yes, shouting at this point. “Neriah come downstairs RIGHT NOW with your clothes on!” To add context- this is still the FIRST WEEK of school, so I cannot be that mom sending my kid to school looking like a hot mess…. at least not yet. (I’m sure I will choose to not fight this battle at least once as the year goes on, but with it being so early, I’ve not yet been worn down!) Hearing a clunking sound, I quickly rush to the stairs to find her face down, her body slithering down the stairs. My honest first thought is “Well she has the right clothes on, check in the mommy column.” We grab her backpack and head to pick up her brother from his Dad’s house and take him to school. We get him to school, and we are actually on time! (One thing I have learned as a mom, and I tell my kids all the time is to PLAN FOR THE CHAOS. That way when it DOES hit the fan, you MAY still actually be on time) Anyhow, at this point, things are seeming to smooth out! I drop James off at school and then drive Neriah to her kindergarten. She gets all settled in, everything is good, just a rough morning. *whew*……… NOPE.

 

This is not the ACTUAL meltdown, but this may help you envision the limp body dramatic effect she has mastered!

Getting back home, I am really on the fence between working and folding all of the clean laundry on my couch. I decide I’m going to try to work for a short bit while Annabeth is napping. This time I lay her down with TWO pairs of leggings on. Ha! Let’s see her get out of that. Patting myself on the back, I come down to the office, open my computer and smell the most AWFUL smell…. Time to investigate. I’m literally tearing things up and FINALLY find what had to be the world’s nastiest bottle! It had somehow fallen behind the washing machine and was now smelling SO bad it had to just be thrown away. (something was possibly living in there at this point and there was NO WAY I was going to open it to find out) Now, finally sitting down to work, I hear Annabeth crying. Well crap! I missed that window to work while I was on my mission for the stank bottle. I head upstairs, open the door and- YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! (freaking was NOT the first word I typed-don’t judge) She has somehow gotten her POOPY diaper off and is now SCREAMING because she sees there is the tiniest bit of poop on her hand. However she seems COMPLETELY unscathed by the HUGE amounts of poop that were smeared all over the crib AND stuffed animals, go figure! Unfortunately, there is no such thing as logically reasoning with a toddler, because what I actually said out loud (falling on deaf ears I’m sure) was “Annabeth, this is why I tell you not to take your diaper off. Nobody wants poop on their hands!!!! Poop does not go on walls, or cribs or baby dolls! Poop goes on your bottom!” (yea that makes so much sense right? I swear the things that come out of my mouth in a day… that will probably be it’s OWN post)

do NOT let this cute face fool you… YES she is capable of dragging a pair of your granny panties into the room while you have guests!

*Sigh* I give her a second bath, scrub the crib down with every safe cleaner I own, and take the next two loads of bedding down to the laundry room. Heck, why NOT add to the nasty smell in there still lingering from the science-fair-worthy bottle I found earlier?!? We load up in the car, pick everyone up from school, and head home. As things start to settle down, everyone is home, everyone is CLEAN- Hunter calls to let me know he will probably be on the later side getting home. Which is fine, nothing new, except at this point mommy is WORN OUT. We originally planned for the dog trainer to come by which I decided to reschedule, just feeling overwhelmed from the day. When I called she was more than happy to reschedule. However, what she did not mention on the phone was that she was nearby and going stop by and drop off a leash. (to be completely fair, it’s entirely possible she DID mention that and my brain was so exhausted I just didn’t hear her). This would seem to be super helpful right? Right, EXCEPT that right as she gets to the house, and I go to answer the door, (with no bra because I did not know she was coming) Georgia (our puppy) comes prancing around the corner with a pair of my underwear in her mouth! She must have gotten this  from the laundry pile on the couch! (you know, the SAME one that I never folded earlier) Now, I’m not sure what you are envisioning in your head at this moment, but these were like the old nasty ones every woman has and should have retired 3 years ago (ALL you ladies know exactly what I’m talking about so own it!) Anyhow, she left, I fed the kids frozen pizza, laid them down and now I’m sitting here at my desk, attempting to come up with “content” for the blog. Well, this is it today folks!! Here is the blog content. REAL FREAKING MOM LIFE. (that time I did actually type freaking 😂 this post has been pretty therapeutic for me today)

So, back to my initial thought I failed to really complete, KIDS——————-I love them?! (That question mark was actually a typo because I’m tired, but I’m leaving it in there because I think it’s funny given the content) I DO love them- even on days where I swear they aged me 5 years in one day. In all honesty and trying to keep perspective-they are part of my refining process, I’m convinced of it. Days like this one, while exhausting, make me a better mom in the days to come.  There has to be a good analogy here somewhere with the unconditional love and patience and mercy that God gives us everyday…? I’m too tired to think any more deeply into that so run with it!  I love them all more than words can express and I would never want to live my crazy life without them! (on days like today though, I may be OKAY living just a couple of hours without them-long enough to take a NAP!!) I’m OUT ya’ll!! ✌

 

Comment below and let me know your crazy mom/parent stories. I really would love to hear from you!

11 Comments

  • Grace P.

    Oh my!! You are such a good writer! could not stop reading!! Had a similar (not so similar though) day today. Had plans to wake up and do a quick breakfast and then off to a new park. Jokes on me. Go to get the dog out of her kennel to go outside and she’s peed all over herself. Bathed her after she peed on herself and in the kennel which leaked onto the floor outside her kennel. Clean the kennel mop the floor. Finish breakfast. Realized i never finished making my smoothie, so i start to wash the blender and kinley wants to help so i let her “clean” while i bring the dog in and get dressed. Come back to her soaking half of the toilet paper roll and the other half sopping and soggy on the floor. Clean that up. Clean baby up from breakfast and start making my smoothie. Then i hear a crash and a cry. Liam had pulled over the little wooden baby gate on himself that was leaning up against the wall. Come around the corner, pick him up and he’s all wet. well, he slipped on the floor in the dogs puddle of pee. So i start the bath, and immediately start cleaning up the mess on the floor before i bathe Liam. As im mopping up the dog pee, Liam takes 4 diapers out of the lower drawers and throws them in the tub where the water is running. Kinley then runs in and wAnts to brush her teeth so i let her. (So she’s not tempted to jump in the bath with Liam!) im washing Liam and kinley yells, “oh no! i pee! i pee like penny! (Our dog) and she has peed all over the bathroom floor. Throw her in the bath with Liam too. Now both are clean and i finally head back to the kitchen about 11am to make my smoothie. And no, we didn’t go to the park. Liam went down for his nap at 11:15. Lol love you Lis!

  • Carol

    Hey girl! You are an amazing mom and an absolutely amazing writer! Loved this story and it gave me some great chuckles. We have had many days like that too…except with older ones 🙂 and caring for sick parents. 🤪 This crazy life is so refining..you are right about that!! Here’s to refining moments! We’ve got this! Thanks for being genuine. Love you, friend 💕
    Carol

    • Lis

      I tell my mom all the time one day I will be changing her diapers! 😲 At that point I will be giving you a call! Love you guys as well

  • Jamie Boettcher

    Yes! This is REAL LIFE! The stuff we don’t see in the highlight reels of FaceBook and Instagram, but the REAL stuff happening behind closed doors of every-day-families (Ok, maybe in your case, the door was open). Every mom needs to know this stuff happens, for real, a lot, and it’s OK!

  • Donna Miller

    I so LOVE this!! You are a good writer and can help the reader ‘see’ into your life very well! I love your ability to be real and transparent! I also very much love your sense of humor!! You are doing an amazing job mama!! Keep it up! ❤

  • aisasami

    I teach preschool-aged kids and I have a lot of crazy kid stories. Recently, I had a kid who is potty-training and was wearing underwear (kid hates diapers, hates the feeling). So, we are getting ready to go home and the kid calls my name and laughs. I look up, and she is peeing on the carpet portion. So, I call in an assistant to help me clean her up and clean the carpet up.

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