So, obviously I have taken a very LONG break from blogging, so I wanted to get back on and update everyone, and hopefully pick back up the regularity of which I am writing. (I now have MUCH more time on my hands which I will explain in this update).
The last you all heard from me, we were announcing our super wonderful surprise pregnancy. Which, by the way, the outpouring of support from all of you was incredible and we are so grateful for that.
Since we made this announcement, lots has happened. The beginning of this pregnancy- everything was normal. I struggled with some nausea and complete exhaustion, but nothing out of the ordinary. We were just trucking along, trying to be very intentional about not letting the anxiety of another loss creep in and rob us of the joy that this little one growing inside of me was already bringing to our family.
I was seeing a high risk doctor, so, as a result of that we were able to find out the gender pretty early. We were SO excited to find out that we would be having a little BOY!!! We have named him Silas Hunter- after his Daddy 🙂
Everything was on track and it was seeming to be a pretty uneventful pregnancy. THEN, I went in for my 20 week anatomy scan. I had SO much anxiety prior to the appointment. All of my anxiety and worry was surrounding the fear that we would find out there was some big problem with Silas’ health, what we would actually come to learn had not crossed my mind…
The day of the appointment, Hunter and I went in to the tiny little ultrasound room, said a prayer and waited for the technician to come in. She was so friendly, and I believe could sense my anxiety so she was also VERY communicative throughout the entire exam. As she was checking all his organs, his growth, the placenta, the fluid, EVERYTHING- it was all on track and looked amazing. THANKFULLY, as the exam was ending, (and I believe in hindsight this was completely God’s sovereignty at work) I just happened to mention to her that 11 years ago, when they did my last C-section, the doctor mentioned that my uterus was very thin. When I asked him at the time if I could have more babies he quickly assured me “yes just don’t ever attempt a VBAC.” Just as casually as he said that, I forgot about it in all the years since. So, there in that moment, laying on the ultrasound table, it is a miracle in itself that I was prompted to ask if they had the ability to check the thickness of my uterine wall. She said yes, and as soon as she did her eyes got VERY wide. She called in the doctor, who quickly did his own scan of the area, after which we all sat down for THE talk.
He went on to explain to us that a healthy uterine wall should be about 10+mm thick at that stage in pregnancy. However, due to my previous C-sections/birth trauma, I had a section that was measuring at 2mm thick.
Obviously this was a huge blow. He explained that there was a high risk of rupture and all of the complications associated with that. I tried to ask all the questions I could think of in that moment, but honestly I was just completely overwhelmed. He continued to explain that even as a high risk doctor, he had never seen a lining so thin THIS EARLY in pregnancy. We set a goal at the time to make it to 23 weeks (viability) and to come back and measure again. In the meantime I was on modified bed rest at home.
Thankfully, we made it to that milestone shortly after Christmas. Going back in, we did not know what to expect. He had prepared us beforehand for so many outcomes, we were trying to just take one day at a time. At our second scan we were overjoyed to hear that the measurement was about the same! He decided at that point to measure me every two weeks, and we left there feeling excited, hopeful, and setting a goal for 2 weeks at a time.
The doctor was so incredible, he also gave me his personal cell phone number, gave me warning signs to watch for and told me to call or text him anytime. I was so thankful for that and felt pretty good about the prognosis moving forward. We made it through the new year with nothing really eventful happening, however, shortly after that I had some contractions that started picking up and a little bit of spotting. I texted my doctor, he IMMEDITELY responded and told me to go to triage and assured me he would meet me there.
Hunter went with me and we drove up to the hospital, not saying a whole lot and not entirely sure what we were heading into. When we got here they took us back immediately, hooked me up to track the contractions and listen to Silas, and sent us for another ultrasound. THANKFULLY, Silas was still looking great, but my contractions were coming about every 3-4 minutes and my wall was now only measuring about 1.4mm thick. Needless to say, they admitted me to the Labor and Delivery floor. In the first few days I was here, I was hopeful that I would be able to go home. My doctor was coming in every day for an ultrasound to monitor things and to check on our sweet Baby Silas. After a few days of this routine and continued contractions, I asked the Doctor to be BRUTALLY honest with me and tell me if I was going home and what the real prognosis was here.
After a long, fairly graphic conversation, (that I believe he used to prep me for the news he was going to give and to et my head where it needed to be) he explained that it would not be safe for me to go back home. He told us that even if I lived right across the street from the hospital, by the time I saw signs of rupture, it could be too late to make it to the hospital in time.
SO, to summarize this update, I will be in labor and delivery on bed rest until Silas comes. The GOOD news is that Silas is still healthy, we are now at 26 weeks (we have been here for 2 weeks now as I am typing). Silas’ chances of survival are only increasing with each day, and as of right now, the doctor feels pretty optimistic that we can make it 34 weeks.
The hard part of that is obviously being in the hospital, away from the other kids for potentially 10 weeks. We are very blessed and have SO much help from family that are able to keep things as normal as possible for everyone else. I have had good days and bad days since being here. However, even on the bad days God has allowed me to keep the perspective that we are exactly where we need to be, and to be thankful that we still have a HEALTHY baby growing. (It’s just my dang uterus is opening up a blackhole we are trying to keep him away from! haha)
I was not originally planning to update much here but then I felt convicted of two things. 1- I have always said I was going to be transparent which has to mean being real even during tough times. and 2- My number one desire with all of this is that God can somehow use my trials, my past, my story, to help someone else, and what better way to offer that to Him than to be willing to be used in the MIDDLE of one of those trials.
So, friends, that is the update for now! My goal is to write every few days or so. Some posts may be more exciting than others. I can’t promise a ton of pictures (not a lot of exciting scenery inside this tiny room) but I do promise to be real and transparent through this journey and hope that whatever comes, whatever the outcome, it will all be for His glory. I would ask for and greatly appreciate your prayers during this time! We are praying for NO RUPTURE, a healthy baby, and as short of a NICU stay as possible. God tells us to ask for anything and so we are asking very specifically for these things. Also please pray for comfort for our other kiddos as they are having to adjust to Mommy not being very easily accessible for the next couple of months (that one has been especially hard for MOMMY too)
Again, thank you all for your support, your prayers, your friendships (whether close or from a distance) they mean so much more than you know! Check back here for updates on Silas and the fam. (and probably on my sanity as well-hopefully that stays in tact 🙂